2 Timothy 4:7-8

Hi! Sorry it's been so long. So, I was reading in the New Testament this morning and I came across this scripture: 2 Timothy 4:7-8. I had read it before and thought to myself that it would make a great basis for a poem. So, I wrote a poem based on it of course. This could be the beginning of a new series of poems! Anyway, here it is:

I have fought a good fight.
I have finished my course.
I ride back from the battle
on a valiant horse.
At times we were weakened
as I doubted the strength.
I, at times, was disheartened
by the look of the lengths;
the lengths of the grounds,
of the mountain terrain.
Yet I knew I could reach it
-the land where he reigns.
Now I ride through the gates
at the end of my course.
I ride on the strength
and the life of my horse.
And he waits at his throne
and I kneel once more
-and this time I know
I had opened that door.
      -The door of my heart
      -that allowed him to pay
He
      -the Prince of the Kingdom
      -the King of my days.
Without him.
Alone.
I could never afford
this shield of truth,
this virtuous sword.
And now, at the line;
at the mark of the end
is the crown that is his:
My Brother.
My Friend.
He smiles at my service
he remembers the tears.
No longer in question,
I'm cleansed of my fears.
Righteous and loyal
by His voice I was led
to the gates of his kingdom
where he crowns my bowed head.

Prom 2013

Hey! :) I don't have a lot of time right now. But, all I've got to say is that Prom at the Aquarium of the Pacific was pretty awesome last Friday. We went on the Harbor cruise, got pictures, got a caricature..... that was super weird so I won't even post a picture of it....., touched sharks and sting rays and danced like crazies with a billion people closing us in. It was getting pretty fluffing hot in there.... Anyway we also had tacos for dinner, cookies and..... CANDY! :D It was bomb. I fell asleep on Tyler's shoulder on the bus ride home. I was soooo tired. We get off the bus and this girl is yelling out of a car window "After party at my house! Come! It's gunna be awesome!....... Seriously guys.... I'm serious...guys you should come I'm being serious right now." We all just looked at her like "Dude it's almost 2am" as we were falling asleep. I wonder if anyone showed up........
ANYWAY! Here's some pics of Tyler and I before Prom at the park and then at the church about to get on the bus. :) There's also some with Erika my BFFAEAE and her date, my broskio, Logan.

 This corsage was fluffing HUGE! But it was beautiful so it's okay. :)

 Sorry that I'm conceded but this picture is perfection.... Until I look at it too long and start judging it... but still the set up and lighting and everything is so perfect!

 Mhmmmm... celebs fosho

 gotta love photo bombers.......

 This picture set-up was my Mom's idea. ^She let me know it about a zillion times. She is quite modest about her creative ideas........

 He looks like a spy or something... haha

Okay I apologize for his weird face. This picture totally would've been in a frame in a millisecond if he wasn't making this face.... it's. so. weird.

 

If I get some more pics, I'll post them. :) Bye for nowwwwww! :D Have a beautiful life beautiful people who I don't know and are looking at my blog!

Remembering

Hello. :) I wrote this poem last night. I was feeling really sorry for myself about a lot of things that really aren't important in the span of eternity. I started to write this poem as an outlet to the way I was feeling. It probably would've ended up really negative and I wouldn't have posted it. But, I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for reminding me of what I do have on this Earth and of who I am. They are always looking out for me. Even when I feel so low, I can feel them touch my heart and comfort me; telling me that it's going to be okay. I've just got to keep going and keep trying my best in this life. That is all that Christ wants: each of our personal bests. He doesn't expect perfection. Love life and love yourself. Always remember who you are:

All I want is freedom.
All I seek is love.
I thought I found my jail break
when I found light above.
I know it's there.
I know he's there.
I know I'm not alone.
But it's just me-
my selfish mind-
that wants to lead me home.
But where is home?
Somehow I know.
Yet there are moments when I'm lost.
I live and breathe so desperately
because he paid the cost.
I know the pain he took for me
suffices for my sin,
suffices for the life I lead
and lifts my soul within.

I brace myself with shaking hands
for when faith will be my breathe.
I must press on
I must endure
because he conquered death.
For who am I
to judge my soul?
to break my being down?
Yet who am I to be a light
that rises from the ground?
I am his child.
I am his heir.
I know I'm not alone.
Even when I'm bruised and weak,
He will guide me home.

My Best Friend

If I ever had to write some kind of essay about someone who changed my life, I would write it about my best friend, Erika Rose Coleman. I don't want to have to wait until that opportunity may come up, so I'm going to write about her now. Everyone should know about the amazingness that she is. I have never loved a friend as much as I love her. To be honest, I never knew that I could love a friend as much as a love her. She's taught me so much about what love means.
This story or what ever it is begins with me. Alone. The word alone barely has a meaning to me anymore, but even just 8 or 9 months ago, it was all I knew. I don't want anyone to misinterpret my situation so I've just got to explain something really quick:
I am from a huge family. I have 3 younger sisters, an older brother, two dogs, and two parents. I have eighteen Aunts and Uncles on my Mom's side alone. I have fifty cousins on my Mom's side alone. This does not include the many second cousins, great Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents on either my Mom or Dad's sides. I'm not going to take forever explaining how many people are in my family because that would be boring and annoying. The point is, there are a fluffing lot of people in my family. So how could I ever know what alone is when I am surrounded by so many people who love me? If you have a huge family you may understand. Sometimes there's just too many people to feel like you are loved uniquely.
I did kind of a lot of dumb things my freshman and sophomore years in high school. When I say I did "dumb things" I don't mean I tried drugs or alcohol or partied or anything even close to that. I played basketball and believed all the trash talk my coach screamed at me. I hated myself and I let myself believe that not eating, breaking myself down, hurting myself or even killing myself could potentially be the answer. I know a lot of teenagers feel this way. I won't pretend like I'm the only one who has ever felt like their life sucks and wanted to go to extremes to escape it.
But anyway, there I was in a dark world where I felt like there was no way out. I acted like I was okay most of the time, but I know that people could tell my heart was dying.
I had no true friends who were there for me except my friend, Amanat. We called each other best friends, but really most of what I did to her was complain and tell her how badly I wanted to kill myself. That is not what a best friend does. I am publicly saying sorry to her right now if she ever comes across this. We are still friends, but she lives kind of far from me and I don't see her or talk to her as much as I used to.
I complained like this to others also. I could name a few, but I won't because it's kind of humiliating. I regret using them like that. That's not okay. I was not a good friend then because I didn't know what that meant.
Anyway; moving on from my selfish life. I got to a point where certain events took place and I knew that I was not where I should be. I was not doing what I should be. Throughout both of my years at public school, even though I dug myself into a deep hole, I was subconsciously building a ladder to get out.
That ladder was the gospel of Jesus Christ. The rungs of that ladder were faith, prayer, journaling, scripture study, going to church and repentance. Somehow even in the darkness of everything around me, Heavenly Father blessed me with the ability to stay on track in this way. I am so grateful to him for that. I have no idea where I would be, what I would be doing, or if I'd even be alive right now if I had not continued to do those things.
One of the things I prayed for the most was a best friend.
A friend in the gospel to keep me strong.
A friend who I could confide in.
A friend who I could also hang out with and have good times with.
It is amazing how directly and to perfection that Heavenly Father answered my prayer for a friend like this.
She did not come right away, though. I followed the promptings of Christ and made the decision to pull out of public school and start to be homeschooled my Junior year. Before Junior year came, I had no idea how I was going to handle it. I had grabbed Christ's hand and allowed him to lead me through the darkness. I trusted him enough to just follow. But following came with tripping on stones in the dark: putting my trust in the wrong people, losing friends, losing confidence, breaking myself down again, digging deeper into depression. I felt that there would be no end. But today, I can testify to you that there was sunlight at the end of those dark woods and I only reached that sunlight because I never let go of Jesus's hand.
Last summer I went to girl's camp (Young Women Ages 12-18 LDS Camp) for a week. The theme was "Shine." When I got there I did not feel like I could shine. I had nothing to shine about. I didn't feel like there was any light in me. I prayed before I went to camp that I would make friends and be able to find a way to shine.
Something happened to me that week that gave me light. I made friends and I was able to accept people and myself in a way that I had never experienced before.
I didn't know Erika much then, but I kept on feeling like I should go talk to her. So, I tried a few times. She was obviously very closed off to anyone and everyone at that time. But, that experience I was having at camp gave me courage to keep pressing it. Even after camp, I kept texting her and pressing it because something- it must have been the spirit- was telling me to.
At camp they also had Zumba for exercise everyday. Erika went and so did I even though I still didn't talk to her much. After camp, we found out that there were Zumba classes at the church in the mornings. Somehow it got arranged where Erika picked me up every morning and we spent most of the rest of our summer weekday mornings doing Zumba.
One day Erika texted me and asked if my Mom could homeschool her. I told her about the program that I did and how it's mostly independent so she didn't need my Mom in order to be homeschooled. Over a few weeks and several conversations, Erika decided to do the same program as I was going to do.
So, even when school started, because our schedule's were flexible, we were able to continue going to Zumba and hanging out in the mornings.
We started getting pretty close when she started talking to me about why she was so closed off to friends.
 I remember the first time we decided we were best friends. This boy asked, "Are you guys sisters or just best friends?"
I wasn't sure what to say because I wasn't sure if we were best friends. But, she answered it for me.
"Best friends!" She smiled.
I knew at that moment that we were, but I wasn't sure if I could commit to that title. I thought she would betray me as many of my former friends had. I couldn't allow myself to trust for a while. But, accepting that title was the beginning of realizing how much one person can change a state of mind and even a life. It took some time and a lot of ups and downs, confusion, and learning to trust and stick it through to find a love that is the rarest of them all.

To Be Continued...

Tender Mercies for a Prom Dress

So..... I finally got my dress! Just a "quick" story to tie in how Heavenly Father cares about you and that he wants to see you happy and succeed in literally everything in life.. even Prom. Prayer works guys. Do it. He wants to know how to help you.

 

So as soon as Tyler said yes to my invitation to Prom, I realized that I needed a dress super fast because Prom was in 3 weeks. (Now about two.) I had this really beautiful, light pink, princess ball gown set in my mind. The problem was that I had seen it in a higher-quality second hand store about a month ago. That meant that there was a very high chance that it wasn't there anymore.

Friday night I barely slept. I was online looking at the dress on the store's sight plotting how to get it into my hands as soon as possible.It fit so well when I had tried it on in the store. It was meant for me. I needed it. NEEEEEDed. Technically I didn't have the money to pay all $180 plus tax to buy it. But, I had glorious coupons... and savings.

Okay so back track: A while ago the idea just came to me that I needed to start saving up my money. I had no idea what for: maybe a mission, or college, or travel, or just life. But, the idea didn't seem to have any downsides because I really don't need to spend every penny I earn within the month or week... or sometimes day... that I earn it. So, I saved up.

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #1: Inspiration to start saving money.

 

Because my parents paid for my expensive ticket and pictures and stuff, I assumed and was expected to buy my own dress. Everybody knows that if you want to be the belle of the ball, your dress is going to be really... really... really expensive. To me, expensive is one article of clothing that's over $25. So, obviously I was already freaking out trying to figure out how to pay my dress. If I had not saved money, there is no way I would've been able to have the dress of my dreams.

At this point, the dress of my dreams was the light pink one in the store. I needed it. All of Friday night (well until about past 2 a.m.) I was up making this plan where I would get up early to sell my clothes to the second-hand store, pull out my savings and transfer it to my checking account, compile coupons, and barely have enough to afford the dress. It was crazy, but my brain was so set on it so it was going to happen.

This is how Saturday went: I woke up early, ended up being too busy in the morning to go to the store early and kept praying in my heart that the dress would still be there and that I would be able to get it. As I was praying in my heart, the words came to me: if it be thy will. It seemed a little bit odd to me that that sort of serious concept would apply to this kind of situation. But, it really did. Because, when my best friend and I got to the store, the dress was gone... and I didn't bring the clothes I needed to sell with me anyway because I thought the store only took them early in the morning. I was so sad... not to mention I was freaking out because most other Prom dresses are well over $200.

Erika (my best friend) and I were informed that the store actually did take and pay for clothes during the day. Luckily, her family happened to be coming up to the mall (right next to the store we were at) in a little bit.

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #2: Erika's family was able to bring my old clothes to the store so I could sell them for the much-needed money for a Prom dress. I haven't had the chance to be back there since Saturday, so the fact that I was able to sell that that day was divine intervention.

 

I got $20 for the clothes that I sold (which weren't actually that many so it was really good). Then I began to pray very often across the next few days that I would be able to find a dress that was or could be made modest. I knew that Heavenly Father would take care of even the little things I wanted as long as my desires were righteous and according to his will.

 

The rest of the weekend and all much of Monday night was spent online all over the place, frantically searching for a drop-dead gorgeous, affordable dress that could get to me within two weeks. I e-mailed and chatted with probably about a dozen business representatives back-and-forth trying to get a good deal. The problem was I knew that the quality of the dresses I was looking at wouldn't be as good as the pictures and I was risking the chance that the companies were unreliable and the dress wouldn't fit or get to me on time. It was time-consuming and stressful.

Monday night I pretty much came to the conclusion that I had to order a dress that day or I wouldn't have a good-enough one. I had a hand-me-down prom dress that fit and was pretty, but I wanted a different style and I wanted to pick it. I wanted it to be perfect.

 

 Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #3: I kept on missing opportunities to transfer my savings to my checking account: so, I could not order online.

 

I had about two dresses that I was pretty set on. Then, my Dad went online and started looking up local formal-wear stores that I could buy a dress in. Of Course! I have no idea why I didn't think of that before. All of Monday I was only searching in thrift stores and outlet stores and what not.

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #4: I clicked on the link for bridal shop that had a store pretty close to where I live and I saw a dress that I loved even more than the first one I wanted.

 

Erika and I went into the shop on Tuesday afternoon. That was a beautiful place. We had so much fun looking at beautiful dresses and trying them on.

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #5: The dress I wanted was right in the front of the store.

 

I fit the x-small best (of course that made me feel really amazing haha.)

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #6: The dress was the exact shade of pink that I wanted and the style was exactly the princess ball gown I dreamed of. The tulle skirt has the curly hems that I love and the layers. Mhmm. Perfectness.

 

Tender Mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ #7: The dress was on sale for 1/2 off. It was only $129.99 and $141 with tax.

 

I was able to afford the dress and buy it right away because I had deposited and transferred all of my money into my checking account earlier that day. I walked out of that store so excited. I had slid my debit card, put in my pin number and signed the receipt as fast as I could so I wouldn't have any second thoughts. Erika and I screamed in excitement as I called Tyler on the way home.

I still have to make my dress a little bit more modest by adding sleeves, but the dress it perfect. It's just what I wanted and it makes me feel so excited and good about myself when I put it on (especially since it's an extra small ;P). I feel like the princess that I am.

 

But, I still know with a surety that even if I didn't have the dress, I'm still a princess. I'm a princess and an heir to my Heavenly Father's kingdom and he is taking care of my everyday with seemingly small tender mercies that add up and testify of him with a strength in my heart that I could never deny. Be strong. Be aware of the little tender mercies in everyday life and ponder how they affect the big picture. You'll be surprised at how blessed you are. I love you all and so do Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They know you. Turn to them and live.





He Said YES!!! I'm Going to Prom!!! Wooo!!!!

Okay so sorry I didn't post right away. I've been freaking out trying to find a prom dress for days. (BTW I finally found one yesterday that is fluffing gorgeous!) SO, yeah, here I am again. So last Friday night a knock came at my door and my sister told me to go answer it. So, I did. Well, I opened the door and no one was there. This is what I found at my door step with a ribbon tied around it:

 

SO TOTES ADORBS. I love it.

What girl doesn't love a golden box of delicious truffles? With a bow... from a boy who's totally sweet? Even if you don't like truffles, the rest pretty much suffices. I personally love these truffles. So score for me... and extra weight on me also....

 



Okay, so.... sorry this is sideways, but if you turn your head and read it you will know why it made me happy. :) And it has little pictures of flowers and it's written in a pink font. And. My name is huge on the top. And. It says hugs. Yay. :D

 

 

And, now this is my reaction. Ignore the crazy bun in my hair and the fact that I'm not wearing any makeup. Not that it really matters, just saying. Oh yeah, and sorry that the pictures are sideways, I can't figure out how to get them upright:

 

Mmmm. These are my crazy eyes.

That shiny thing is actually the box of truffles.. sorry for the glare. The point is; there is my beautiful smiling face. Adore it. Just kidding :P

 

And there ya go! There's my awesome Friday. This is also going to be my first date. Don't make fun of me. I'm shy around guys... Yeah, that's it...



I'm Not Much of a Feminist but...

Okay so this is kind of off-topic, but in a way it's not because it's about friend love and Mormon Prom. ;) But, now that I sound really confusing: My b.f.f., Erika, and I just went to my friend Tyler Gannon's condo and decorated the stairs and his door like crazy people. Because, here's the thing: we all wanted to go to Mormon Prom together in May. But, for several reasons I won't mention, our plans fell through and it didn't work out the way we wanted it to. So, Tyler and I didn't know what to do because it's our first Mormon Prom and neither of us had a date. He didn't ask me because he thought I wouldn't go if Erika didn't. Okay sorry this is all drama. But, long story short, Erika and I talked about it and I decided to become a feminist for the day. I just asked Tyler to Mormon Prom and Erika helped me...ALOT. I haven't gotten an answer back from him yet because he barely got home and saw all the cray cray awesomeness an hour ago. I hope he says yes and doesn't think I'm too crazy. :P But, we'll see what happens and I'll update you eventually. For now, I'm going to do something risky and post some of the pictures of Erika's and my awesome adventure in setting up all this for him. Enjoy the spirit of momentary feminism and pure awesomeness. :)

At the bottom of the stairs

My poem which I wrote, cut into puzzle pieces and Erika put into balloons

Balloons!!! And a decorated door. Erika and I had so much fun! :)

 This is the poster where he's supposed to paste the poem puzzle pieces!

 

What will he say?!?!!?!? I'm so anxious and EXCITED! :D